| May
1st of May
1946 The fabulous Joanna
Lumley was born - 'Ladies and Gentlemen let me start by telling you something
fabulous
...
on this day etc.'
2nd of May
1963 The Beatles had their
first UK number one hit - 'As I was putting my notes in order and trying
to chart out
what I was going to say to you, the thought occurred to me that ... on
this day etc.'
3rd of May
1492 Columbus arrived in
Jamaica instead of China which was where he was heading for - 'If you find
me wandering off the point
could I remind you that... on this day etc.'
4th of May
1780 The first Derby was
run - 'Today is a great day for the human race...
because
on this day etc.'
5th of May
1980 The SAS stormed the
Iranian Embassy in London - 'If you don't
like what I say I would ask you to refrain
from etc... because on this day etc.'
6th of May
1994 The Channel Tunnel
was officially opened - 'When I woke up this morning and remembered that
I had to make a speech tonight I felt like tunnelling
down under the blankets and not getting up... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
7th of May
1756 Nelson's Ship HMS Victory
was launched - 'I find that if I look at you, like Nelson, with only one
eye you're only half as scary... maybe I'm
thinking of Nelson because on this day etc.'
8th of May
1938 Nescafe produced the
first instant coffee - 'If you only knew how many cups
of coffee I consumed when I was preparing
this speech ... maybe it's because on this
day etc.'
9th of May
1916 German astronomer Karl
Schwarzschild developed the concept of black-holes - 'When they asked me
to give a speech tonight I knew I was in a bit of a hole,
but I had no idea just how black it was
... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
10th of May
1975 The first images were
received from Venus - 'When I look at all the beautiful
woman in the room I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
11th of May
1981 Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's
musical CATS opened in London - 'As I was listening to the gentle purr
of voices in the room before I stood up I was reminded that ... on
this day etc.'
12th of May
1911 The first windscreen
wipers - invented by Prince Henry of Prussia (no less!) were fitted. -
'Does anyone else in the room get that feeling that today is a good day
for wiping aside
all objections? ... maybe it's because on
this day etc.'
13th of May
1926 Eric Morecambe was
born - 'I planned to start by saying something Wyse
but all I can think of is that... today is
the day that etc.'
14th of May
1948 The Welfare State was
introduced in Britain - 'When I think of the condition that I'm going to
be in by the time I finish this speech I'm delighted that... on
this day etc.'
15th of May
1967 Holograms were born
(developed by physicist Dennis Gabor) - 'If
you don't like what I say, I think it's appropriate
that today, of all days, I remind you that you can always look at it another
way... on this day etc.'
16th of May
1929 The first Oscars were
awarded - 'Before I start I think I should
mention that... on
this day etc.'
17th of May
1956 Boxing legend 'Sugar'
Ray Leonard was born - 'I'd like to start by telling you something sweet...
on
this day etc.'
18th of May
1964 The first heart transplant
was performed in Chicago, on a chimpanzee - 'Before I make an absolute
monkey
of myself I'm reminded that... on this day
etc.'
19th of May
1954 The first ever nuclear-powered
submarine was commissioned - 'As I stand here before you I can't help getting
a sinking feeling...
maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
20th of May
1588 The ill-fated Spanish
Armada set sail from Lisbon - ''Today is a great day for discoveries
- like discovering
how desperately bad I am at making speeches and I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
21st of May
1960 The oral contraceptive
was first introduced in America - 'I took some precautions
before coming here to speak to you tonight. I checked the date and
discovered that... on this day etc.'
22nd of May
240 BC The first ever recorded
sighting of Hailey's Comet - 'Today you are going to hear about something
very
rare, not from me of course but do you know
that... on this day etc.'
23rd of May
1498 Vasco da Gama became
the first European to reach India - 'I discovered
something very interesting today... do you
know that on this day etc.'
24th of May
1941 Songwriter and Folksinger
Bob Dylan was born today - 'I'm going to start by telling you something
folksy...
on this day etc.'
25th of May
1935 Athlete Jesse Owens
set an amazing six world records in 45 minutes - Tonight, 'I will be brief!
I'm trying to break Jessie's
45 minute record... on this day etc.'
26th of May
1865 The American Civil
War ended. - 'If you feel like throwing buns at me can I remind you that
today is a day of peace...
because
on this day etc.'
27th of May
1941 The Bismarck was sunk
- 'As I stand here before you I'm consoled by the fact that I'm not the
only thing that was sunk
today ... because on this day etc.'
28th of May
1965 The first views of
Mars were obtained by American space craft Mariner 4 - 'They
looked a bit like this illegible jumble of
notes that I have in front of me... on this
day etc.'
29th of May
1953 Sir Edmund Hillary
and Tenzing Norgay conquered Mount Everest - 'When I think of how hard
it is for me to climb on my feet
in front of all of you tonight I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
30th of May
USSR Venera 7 made the first
landing on Venus - 'In honour of the day that is in it, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I think I must have planned to make this speech in Russian...
at least that's exactly what my notes now look like to me .. on
this day etc.'
31st of May
1967 Scientists issued the
first Global Warning - 'They must have known
that I was going to speak on this day... because
on this day etc.'
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