| March
1st of March
1455 Gutenberg's Bible was
the first book to be printed with movable metal type - 'Today is definitely
not a good day for speakers, it's a day for
bookworms... because
on this day etc.'
2nd of March
1555 Nostradamus's book
of predictions was published - 'I checked it before I came here and he
definitely didn't predict
that I would have to do this tonight ... on
this day etc.'
3rd of March
1969 Concorde made its maiden
flight -''I'm not the only one who is doing a 'first'
on this day ... because on this day etc.'
4th of March
1867 John Barnado opened
his first home for destitute children - 'Oddly enough when I was feeling
destitute and asked to be let in
this morning they told me I was far too old... on
this day etc.'
5th of March
1893 Shredded Wheat became
the first ready-to-eat breakfast cereal - 'I had a wonderful speech prepared
for you this morning but over my breakfast
I shredded it... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
6th of March
1889 - The NSPCC was founded
in London - 'Tonight, as I stand here in front of you in Childlike
innocence all I can think of is the NSPCC... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
7th of March
1876 Alexander Graham Bell
patented the first telephone -' Today is a great day for communicators
but, sadly, I have to confess to you that I'm not one of them... on
this day etc.'
8th of March
2737 BC Tea was discovered
by Chinese Emperor Shen Nung - 'Obviously he
never had to make a speech... on
this day etc.'
9th of March
1916 The first Guide Dog
for the blind was trained in Australia by the War Dog Institute - 'As I
stand here in front of you blindly
looking for suitable words to say... I'm reminded
that on this day etc.''
10th of March
1801 Britain's first National
Census was carried out -' Can I warn you that before I stood up to give
my speech I did a little census
of how many people are in the room and I plan to do another about half
way through, so if you are thinking of slipping out... maybe
it's because on this day etc.''
11th of March
1885 Karl Benz and Gottlieb
Daimler built the first practical petrol-powered motor cars - 'If anybody
falls asleep I'm going to say 'Honk Honk'
... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
12th of March
1935 Driving tests were
introduced in Britain - 'I've never given a speech before, so I really
should have a large L plate
on me tonight of all nights ... because on
this day etc.'
13th of March
1960 U2's Adam Clayton was
born - 'When I mentioned to somebody earlier that I was going to speak
tonight they looked at me in horror and said
U2!... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
14th of March
1898 Marie Curie invented
the term radioactivity... 'Before I contaminate
everybody with my words of wisdom (Or before we have a fallout
etc) can I mention to you that... on this
day etc.'
15th of March
44 BC Julius Caesar was
assassinated - 'For the records I'd like to say that my name is John, you
see I was explaining to someone earlier that I was scheduled to give a
speech and he turned to me in amazement and said 'Et
Tu Brutus'... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
16th of March
1933 Polythene was invented
in ICI's laboratories at Northwich, Cheshire - 'Tonight I'm going to wrap
up everything very quickly... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
17th of March
St Patrick's Day - Cead
Mile Failte (Translated as 'one hundred thousand
welcomes') , 'Today I'm opening my speech in the Gaelic Language because...
this
is the day etc.'
18th of March
Cosmonaut Aleksey Leonov
made his first space walk - 'I'm feeling a bit light-headed...
maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
19th of March
1894 The art of striptease
was founded by 'Yvette', a Paris Music Hall dancer - 'Now there's one thing
I'm definitely not going
to do for you tonight... on the off-chance
that you don't know, on this day etc.'
20th of March
1901 The first multi-story
car park was opened in London - 'May I ask if any of you had any difficulty
parking tonight? ... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
21st of March
1963 Alcatraz prison was
closed - 'One of the many reasons why I am
able to be here tonight is because... on
this day etc.'
22nd of March
1888 The English Football
League was founded - 'I have this ominous feeling that tonight I'm going
to put my foot
in it... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
23rd of March
1904 Louis Rigolly, a Frenchman,
became the first man to travel at 100mph - 'If you think that I'm
going too fast, let me remind you... that
today etc.'
24th of March
1998 the film Titanic was
awarded a record 11 Oscars - 'I have a sinking
feeling that I'll be getting no Oscars
for what I am about to say... maybe it's because
they have all been given away on this day etc.'
25th of March
1780 Bifocals were invented
by America's Benjamin Franklin - 'As I stand here before you I can't help
wondering why you all look wonderful
and my speech looks dreadful
... maybe it's because on this day etc.'
26th of March
1944 Diana Ross was born
- 'Today is 'Supremes' day
and I'm fortified by this thought as I start my speech ... because
on this day etc.'
27th of March
1901 Marconi made the first
transatlantic transmission - 'Today I'm reminded that some people can make
a huge global impact
by saying very few words... like Marconi etc.'
28th of March
1902 Frederick Lanchester
patented the first disc brake - 'Feel absolutely free to stop
me if I go on to long, I won't be offended
because... on this day etc.'
29th of March
1873 Levi Strauss began
producing blue denim jeans - 'I was tempted to turn up tonight in my old
faded
denims because ... on
this day etc.'
30th of March
1930 The planet Pluto was
discovered by US Astronomer, Clyde William Tonbaugh - 'Tonight I am going
to give you a heavenly speech
because... on this day etc.'
31st of March
1889 The Eiffel Tower was
opened - 'Today is a monumental
day, but regrettably not for me ... on this
day etc.'
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