| April
1st of April
1918 the RAF was founded
- 'I can't help feeling that I'm going to bomb
out on this speech of mine... maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
2nd of April
1924 King George V made
the first broadcast by a reigning monarch - 'Better
people than I have had to make public speeches
today... because on this day etc.'
3rd of April
1993 The Grand National
was declared void after two false starts - 'Errrrrr! Emmmmmm! Now that
I've made two false starts to
my speech I'm allowed to sit down immediately ... on
this day etc.'
4th of April
1941 Coronation Street's
Jack Duckworth (Alias actor Bill Tarmey) was born... 'Please don't crown
me if I'm not too good... remember,
on this day etc.'
5th of April
1982 A Royal Navy Task Force
set sail for the Falklands - 'I was dreading this task,
I knew I wasn't going to be on to a winner... especially
when I remembered that on this day etc.'
6th of April
Britains' first pedestrian
crossing was established in London's Parliament Square - 'If you think
that my speech is a bit pedestrian...
maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
7th of April
1906 Mount Vesuvius erupted
- 'What I'm going to say may not exactly be earth-shattering
but maybe this is just as well because we've already had enough of that
kind of thing... on this day etc.'
8th of April
1986 Clint Eastwood was
elected mayor of Carmel - 'Maybe by the time I've finished making a show
of myself up here I'll be gunning
for high places... do you know that on this
day etc.'
9th of April
1927 Charles Lindbergh completed
his first non-stop solo flight across the Atlantic - 'It's a lonely feeling
up
here but I guess it can't be as lonely as
etc etc ... because on this day etc.'
10th of April
1917 Pulitzer Prizes were
introduced - 'I don't expect to get any prizes
tonight for my speech making abilities...
as I'm reminded that on this day etc.'
11th of April
1929 Popeye made his first
public appearance -' If you think I look bad
can I remind you that ... on this day etc.''
12th of April
1961 Yuru Gagarin became
the first man in space - 'This is a definitely a day for first-timers
like me... because on this day etc.'
13th of April
1931 The Game of Scrabble
was invented by Alfred Butts - 'It's not easy to put the correct
words together on an occasion like this and
I'm reminded that ... on this day etc.'
14th of April
1896 Abraham Lincoln was
assassinated - 'This is not a good day for standing
up in public... because
on this day etc.'
15th of April
1912 The Titanic sank -
'I wondered why I had this sinking
feeling all day... maybe it's because on this
day etc.'
16th of April
Spike Milligan was born
today in 1936 - 'Ladies and gentlemen let me start by coming sharply
to the POINT .. on
this day etc.'
17th of April
1927 The first talking picture,
The Jazz Singer, starred by Al Jolson - 'Ladies and Gentlemen 'picture
this'... on this
day etc.'
18th of April
1929 The first in-flight
movie was shown - 'What I have to say to you is very
inconsequential indeed, so let me start by
saying something equally inconsequential...
on
this day etc.'
19th of April
1874 The first Impressionist
Exhibition in Paris - 'Even if I don't make an impression
on you with my speech can I try and impress
you with my knowledge that... on this day
etc.'
20th of April
1938 The Coelacanth, a fish
long believed to be extinct was found to be alive and well - 'There's still
hope for old fossils
like me... as I'm reminded that on this day
etc.'
21st of April
753 BC Romulus founded Rome
- 'If you find that my speech is going on too long can I remind you that
Rome wasn't built in a day,
you know... and on this day etc.'
22nd of April
1933 The original Monopoly
game was invented by unemployed engineer Charles Darrow - 'As you listen
to my speech I would ask you to remember that today is monotony
day! uh uh... maybe I got that wrong, the word I'm looking for is Monopoly...
because
on this day etc.'
23rd of April
1901 The first electric
hearing aid was patented in New York - 'If you've got one, my best advice
to you is turn it off
... on this day etc.'
24th of April
1942 Barbara Streisand was
born - 'Before I start I have to say that there's a woman in the audience
that looks stunning, she looks a bit like etc ... do
you know that on this day etc.
25th of April
1938 Hungary's Laszio Biro
invented the ball-point pen - If it wasn't for him my speech would be much
shorter! ... on
this day etc.
26th of April
1934 The first Launderette,
The Washateria opened in Forth Worth, Texas - As I stand here feeling very
insignificant
I'm reminded of all the other insignificant
things that happened... on this day etc.'
27th of April
1770 Captain Cook landed
at Botany Bay - 'The food
tonight is really wonderful. The flowers
on the table are beautiful and when I think of the two together and I can't
help being reminded that... on this day etc.
28th of April
1996 Dolly the Sheep was
cloned - I feel that I should warn you that the person that you see here
in front of you is not really me at all...
maybe
it's because on this day etc.'
29th of April
1986 Hailey's comet made
its last visit here until the year 2062 - 'I have this deep-rooted inner
feeling that I won't be invited back here
again in a hurry, which reminds me that... this
day etc.'
30th of April
1975 The Vietnam War ended
- 'As I soldier
on with my few words to you tonight I'm reminded that... on
this day etc.'
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